Championship Rings, Claustrophobic Horrors, and High School Library Debt

Come gather round people, wherever you roam, for the times are changing.

Or something like that. I don’t know. Legally, that’s all I’m allowed to sing before I have to cut a royalty check.

But would you look at the NBA people? Oh Geez. Ja Morant to the Blazers. LaMelo to the Wolves. Lebron to AARP. Like seriously, forget the age — how many teams has this sonofabitch played for? Does he have more teams than rings? Meanwhile, the Spurs signed Tobias Harris and all we got was a golf clap.

Speaking of the Spurs… oh, Richie Poo-Poo, how you holding up after that heartbreak?

Well, I’m still breathing. And honestly, that’s probably the first time I’ve seen a Finals series won where the better team beat themselves four out of five games.

Yeah. I said it.

But you know what? You pick yourself up, drink some bourbon, rub one out—haha jk!

No, but for reals, congrats to the New York Knicks. See y’all again in 50 years, I guess. And by the way, where were all you jabronis during the Carmelo Anthony era? Why all of a sudden are there so many Knick fans?

Whatever. I feel the Spurs making it to the championship was a lot like Dante in Clerks. Were we even supposed to be here?

…

Ok, maybe one or two have actually seen the movie and get the reference, but whatever. Hey, speaking of movies, holy shit people— The Odyssey or Spider-Man: Brand New Day? The missus wants to see The Odyssey, but I’m all in for Spider-Man. Either way, we’re getting Jon Bernthal and Tom Holland, so it’s a win-win.

Football season is around the corner. Which means my reign as fantasy football championship will begin with evil intensity. Muhahaha! I’ve managed to win the championship in two of my three leagues, and I am now looking to complete the trifecta—the hat trick, if you will. Until then, how about you band of misfits go dumpster diving with me?

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This is one of those novels I read back in the day, and for the sake of pure nostalgia, I wanted to dive back in. Also, I never finished it in high school. Not because it wasn’t good, mind you, but because the goddamn high school library started asking for it like a fat kid demanding change in the cafeteria line.

It’s weird, because I always thought that Lisa Jackson was a massive household name, but for the life of me, I could barely find any of her works at the bookstore. What bookstore? Yeah, I’m not putting them on blast but the one I will give a shout out is Half Prices Books for actually having this bad boy (What! What!)

This is a story with vampires. Or an occult. Maybe both, I don’t know, it's been awhile. It’s the fifth book in the series, but I'm jumping right into the middle of it like Lebron switching teams this offseason (hey-oh!).

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I don’t know where I stand with Riley Sager. Am I fan, or am I just passing the time while keeping an eye on the competish? I think this marks the fourth Riley Sager novel in my collection, but so far, I still prefer The Only One Left. Which is not a knock, by the way. Not on him or his novels. Lock Every Door was psychologically terrifying. A claustrophobic type of horror you rarely see. Honestly, had it been during the COVID-19 lockdowns, I probably wouldn’t have read it (haha). Again, not a knock. During COVID I tried reading The Stand by Stephen King and didn’t finish (I’m currently on my second attempt, by the way).

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1990 horror? Check. Camp Slasher? Check. I haven’t started this one yet, but it’s been downloaded for my nightly bedtime reading, which I plan to start soon. The description reads like a Friday the 13^th movie but I doubt it’s the same. Anyhoozles, as Robin Williams says in Mrs. Doubfire, Hey, it’s the 90s!

I will be highly critical with my critique on this one. For two reasons.

One: I consider any slasher novel to be my competition.

Two, my upcoming novel (The Woods—title still pending) takes place in the woods (duh), is allegedly haunted (double duh), and while its not set in the 90s, it is set in the 80s and involves camping. One of the true horrors in fiction writing is putting your blood, sweat, and bourbon into a manuscript only to find out you wrote something eerily similar to something already published. It happens. So I am hoping his book is nothing like what I have already written. It's bad enough that I might have to consider a re-title anyway (thanks a lot, Harlan Coben).

Until then, stay weird, peoples, and be on the lookout for a post regarding updates on my third novel, The Woods. Peace!